The problem is always, for myself, perhaps for everyone, lack of perspective, which may be seen as lack of context. For we are not consistent beings, but move, even in our sense and view of ourselves, from moment to moment, thought to thought, feeling to feeling. We are peripheral beings, always just at the edge of our own sight, even elusive, though it is never so obvious as that. I assume that others are as unlocatable to themselves as I am to myself, though most never give themselves a thought in this regard, being satisfied to identify themselves with the contemporary surface social and generational current. I do this only to the extent that I expect myself to survive; I do not identify with it or hardly even with its world.
Just in saying that I have in many respects rather identified myself as one not to be so identified. I am that I am not that I am that I am not. A tautology, a loop looping on itself repeatedly over and over. Such is my sense of humor. And so I once again identify myself. Any reference to "oneself" is a self-identity. Zen practice may eventually lead to a profound sense of non-identity, which is to say, no-self. Which is problematic, for if one no longer thinks of oneself, one ceases to exist. This was precisely the reason I stopped my Zen practice a while ago, however, even after stopping, my self-identity never returned, so recently I started practicing once again. The only real difference is that now I consider my "Zen naps" to be integral to the meditation, which is much more amenable to the situation in which I am present to myself. Words, words, yes, but not balderdash. Everything eventually becomes strangely real even as it is strangely unreal. It may be that one realizes no judgement is to be made; no decision either way, but simply a recognition. And that doesn't even have to imply acceptance, though I think one must be willing to recognize, and such willingness seems to require an acceptance of what is there even as one is not yet aware of what it is or that one has even seen it. An almost pre-conscious acceptance or accepting state of mind. I choose the best words that reveal themselves, and words are deficient.
So in truth, there is always a lack of perspective, which is a matter of degree, yes, but to be human is to lack perspective. And also the fact that we are as moving targets engaged in the process to trying to hit moving targets, though even that metaphor is lacking since proper adjustments can be made so that moving targets can hit moving targets. But what if such moving targets are moving randomly in both space and time? Will a thousand monkeys on typewriters typing actually type the Encyclopedia Britannica in eternity? Monkeys and typewriters are not eternal. What is possible? What are the chances? And so we have "God" and "miracles." I have too often seen miracles as "anomalies." But I have accepted anomalies as miracles and vice-versa. I do believe in what is called Magic and especially Magick. All things may happen. All may be possible. God? Devil? Sympathetic or Unsympathetic, it doesn't quite matter to me. Greater gods, lesser gods, demons, no such powers at all? There is a mockingbird singing amazingly in the tree outside. I'm in this body sitting here doing this typing on this planet in this solar system in this moment, aware as an atom of dust in the universe. Good or bad?
Just in saying that I have in many respects rather identified myself as one not to be so identified. I am that I am not that I am that I am not. A tautology, a loop looping on itself repeatedly over and over. Such is my sense of humor. And so I once again identify myself. Any reference to "oneself" is a self-identity. Zen practice may eventually lead to a profound sense of non-identity, which is to say, no-self. Which is problematic, for if one no longer thinks of oneself, one ceases to exist. This was precisely the reason I stopped my Zen practice a while ago, however, even after stopping, my self-identity never returned, so recently I started practicing once again. The only real difference is that now I consider my "Zen naps" to be integral to the meditation, which is much more amenable to the situation in which I am present to myself. Words, words, yes, but not balderdash. Everything eventually becomes strangely real even as it is strangely unreal. It may be that one realizes no judgement is to be made; no decision either way, but simply a recognition. And that doesn't even have to imply acceptance, though I think one must be willing to recognize, and such willingness seems to require an acceptance of what is there even as one is not yet aware of what it is or that one has even seen it. An almost pre-conscious acceptance or accepting state of mind. I choose the best words that reveal themselves, and words are deficient.
So in truth, there is always a lack of perspective, which is a matter of degree, yes, but to be human is to lack perspective. And also the fact that we are as moving targets engaged in the process to trying to hit moving targets, though even that metaphor is lacking since proper adjustments can be made so that moving targets can hit moving targets. But what if such moving targets are moving randomly in both space and time? Will a thousand monkeys on typewriters typing actually type the Encyclopedia Britannica in eternity? Monkeys and typewriters are not eternal. What is possible? What are the chances? And so we have "God" and "miracles." I have too often seen miracles as "anomalies." But I have accepted anomalies as miracles and vice-versa. I do believe in what is called Magic and especially Magick. All things may happen. All may be possible. God? Devil? Sympathetic or Unsympathetic, it doesn't quite matter to me. Greater gods, lesser gods, demons, no such powers at all? There is a mockingbird singing amazingly in the tree outside. I'm in this body sitting here doing this typing on this planet in this solar system in this moment, aware as an atom of dust in the universe. Good or bad?
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