I have found that to live demands EVERYTHING and that this demand is RELENTLESS. I am a 24/7 caregiver to my beautiful wife who is disabled and who lives from day to day in tortuous pain from fibromyalgia. Before her, I cared for my daughter who has profound autism, though she is able to communicate, highly intelligently, through facilitated communication using any small keyboard. Life has been most difficult for the both of them. I see that it is far more difficult for so many people all over the world. I do not believe in a "merciful God" as promoted by religions. For this reason in itself, that is, as a manipulation of people who have hard lives who seek some kind of belonging and meaning, I condemn religion. People end up believing in a God who is supposed to care about them, causing them to become numb, hopeless, and guilty for not believing in such a religious creation as this particular image of God.
I am drawn into the forest where I find a degree of peace; even physically, I am "off the grid" (of electromagnetic bombardment). I suppose my own way of seeing the world would be more Daoist and somewhat Buddhist, if I must label myself in this way. I "worship" nothing, though I do observe and learn from nature. Perhaps my American Indian partial blood gives me such a perspective, I don't know. As flawed as people are, I am usually able to accept them, even forgiving them, understanding them in some way when necessary. However, I could not forgive the "merciful and loving God" put forward by much religion throughout the world, for this, to me, is a horrible lie put up by religions for their own survival, as if they are "God's spokespeople." How false, how disgusting is this? For this reason I believe that humanity is our only hope, that believing in other human beings--and in ourselves--is the bottom line, as it were, of our existence.
Life itself does not offer hope. It simply is as it is. Our only real choice, as I put it, is "to go with the flow and roll with the punches." Is this fair for me to accuse life of throwing punches? No. But life's events certainly often feel that way. Either way, we have to learn how to accept and be with life as it comes to us and at us. I have reached the point in my life, both as an older person and as one with greater than usual responsibilities that can weight heavily at times, that I have no idea what might happen in the next moment. I cannot force my will upon life; I can try my best to "play the odds" by planning for outcomes I prefer, but that's it. In truth, I realize that I have NO CHOICE but to see and accept my life as an ACT OF FAITH, simply because I do not want to accept it in resignation as an act of despair, an act of hopelessness. Sometimes such faith is DEFIANCE; like laughing in the face of death, in the face of pain and loss, in the face of growing older. Our society would have us learn to be quiet when we see things that are wrong. To express dissatisfaction, to tell people what you think (preferably in a way in which they can hear it and receive it) is an act of faith; of faith in their ability and willingness to listen and respond responsibly. Needless to say, they may very often react against you. More old people should have the faith and determination to express their anger at the injustice and sheer stupidity and absent values and consideration prevalent in our society and throughout the world. If others have no faith and consequently cower before authoritarians, particularly those who wrap themselves in God and/or flag and who misuse this power to manipulate, we older people--more experienced, wiser, less confined by convention--can have the faith in ourselves and in others to SPEAK UP and GIVE THEM A PIECE OF OUR MIND rather than to just roll over and play dead. We'll be dead soon enough.
To go one more step with life as an ACT OF FAITH, I don't actually know if my next breath might be my last, or the next step I take could be my last. None of us do, whether we are young or old. We BELIEVE we'll last forever. To actually take this reality in allows us to LIVE WITH AWARENESS in this moment, which is the only moment there really is. What will happen in our next moment? What is around our corner? In truth, as we get older we become more "set in our ways," but, strangely or not so strangely, we also become more able to observe, more able to be in each moment, more able to SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING and more able to respond well. We are better able to see and respond because we have learned not to judge by appearances AND we see more clearly because we can "take it with a grain of salt," as it were. We are both kinder and saltier; we won't put up with crap because we value ourselves and our lives. We EXPECT others to behave as we would behave, and we LET THEM KNOW.
When I started writing this, I had no idea what I would say. But I have said what I apparently wished to say. Thank you.
I am drawn into the forest where I find a degree of peace; even physically, I am "off the grid" (of electromagnetic bombardment). I suppose my own way of seeing the world would be more Daoist and somewhat Buddhist, if I must label myself in this way. I "worship" nothing, though I do observe and learn from nature. Perhaps my American Indian partial blood gives me such a perspective, I don't know. As flawed as people are, I am usually able to accept them, even forgiving them, understanding them in some way when necessary. However, I could not forgive the "merciful and loving God" put forward by much religion throughout the world, for this, to me, is a horrible lie put up by religions for their own survival, as if they are "God's spokespeople." How false, how disgusting is this? For this reason I believe that humanity is our only hope, that believing in other human beings--and in ourselves--is the bottom line, as it were, of our existence.
Life itself does not offer hope. It simply is as it is. Our only real choice, as I put it, is "to go with the flow and roll with the punches." Is this fair for me to accuse life of throwing punches? No. But life's events certainly often feel that way. Either way, we have to learn how to accept and be with life as it comes to us and at us. I have reached the point in my life, both as an older person and as one with greater than usual responsibilities that can weight heavily at times, that I have no idea what might happen in the next moment. I cannot force my will upon life; I can try my best to "play the odds" by planning for outcomes I prefer, but that's it. In truth, I realize that I have NO CHOICE but to see and accept my life as an ACT OF FAITH, simply because I do not want to accept it in resignation as an act of despair, an act of hopelessness. Sometimes such faith is DEFIANCE; like laughing in the face of death, in the face of pain and loss, in the face of growing older. Our society would have us learn to be quiet when we see things that are wrong. To express dissatisfaction, to tell people what you think (preferably in a way in which they can hear it and receive it) is an act of faith; of faith in their ability and willingness to listen and respond responsibly. Needless to say, they may very often react against you. More old people should have the faith and determination to express their anger at the injustice and sheer stupidity and absent values and consideration prevalent in our society and throughout the world. If others have no faith and consequently cower before authoritarians, particularly those who wrap themselves in God and/or flag and who misuse this power to manipulate, we older people--more experienced, wiser, less confined by convention--can have the faith in ourselves and in others to SPEAK UP and GIVE THEM A PIECE OF OUR MIND rather than to just roll over and play dead. We'll be dead soon enough.
To go one more step with life as an ACT OF FAITH, I don't actually know if my next breath might be my last, or the next step I take could be my last. None of us do, whether we are young or old. We BELIEVE we'll last forever. To actually take this reality in allows us to LIVE WITH AWARENESS in this moment, which is the only moment there really is. What will happen in our next moment? What is around our corner? In truth, as we get older we become more "set in our ways," but, strangely or not so strangely, we also become more able to observe, more able to be in each moment, more able to SEE WHAT IS HAPPENING and more able to respond well. We are better able to see and respond because we have learned not to judge by appearances AND we see more clearly because we can "take it with a grain of salt," as it were. We are both kinder and saltier; we won't put up with crap because we value ourselves and our lives. We EXPECT others to behave as we would behave, and we LET THEM KNOW.
When I started writing this, I had no idea what I would say. But I have said what I apparently wished to say. Thank you.
